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The secret to parenting they don’t want you to know

Updated: Jan 18

When I was pregnant with my first child, Princess,  twelve years ago, I read so many books, magazine articles and pamphlets. I wanted to prepare myself as best as I could for all pregnancy and later, motherhood would throw at me. Before she was even able to say her alphabet, the prospectuses for the private schools within a 5 mile radius of our north London home had been ordered. I had it all planned out.

Life doesn’t go to plan. In my case, neither did parenting. There were no seamless bedtime routines. I lost my temper more than I care to admit. The side-eye I used to give to other parents feeding their toddlers brightly coloured cheese flavoured crisps was quickly replaced with a look of recognition and solidarity.

On my blog I’ve shared the highs and lows of parenting over the past decade. What I’ve never shared is the secret to good parenting. There are so many books, blogs and websites claiming to have all the answers to a contented child and being a great parent. What they don’t want you to know is there isn’t a perfect way to be a parent. Sorry.  My blog title was a bit click baity. But the secret is that there is no secret to parenting. Or rather the secret is that there is no one way suits all approach. You do you. Find your rhythm and what works best for both yourself and your children.

Because, what might work for one child will just go over the head of the next. Trust me, my first child gave me a false sense of confidence. I thought I’d mastered ‘the stare’. Then my toddler Rainbow came onto the scene a few years ago. What she taught me is my parenting wins, including mastering ‘the stare’ was nothing but a fluke. She laughs in the face of my stern looks. In fact, _she_ can throw you a look that goes past just looking in your face and instead bores straight into your soul. My other half agrees. It’s not just me!

I’ll never tell you how to raise your kids. What I will do is share what our journey has looked like. And, when possible, share any wins I might have had, be it figuring out a house cleaning routine that works for people who hate cleaning (like me) or ways to find a better work life balance. This is something I think is so important and is one of the main reasons I left full time employment last year in search of a more fulfilling and lucrative way to earn a living. I’ll keep you posted on how this all works out!

So now you know a little bit about me, Tinuke and what to expect from my blogging. Honesty and a slice of everyday life. If there’s anything in particular you'd like to hear about, just let me know and I’ll do my best to get back to you!


Veteran OG blogger Tinuke Bernard shares her experiences of motherhood through her blog, Circusmums.com.

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